I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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