You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
