it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
