i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she pinky promised me she was 18
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
