There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize