I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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