yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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