do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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