I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
