ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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