why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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