my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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