At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
