they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
They took my balls.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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