his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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