you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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