First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
