I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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