hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
