ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
you had me at cake vodka
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
