She said her name was "party"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize