You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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