No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
