I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
