I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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