just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
