She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
