I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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