Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
