It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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