Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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