How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
