It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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