she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
