I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
