i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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