I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I AM VODKA MAN
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
