and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
