how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
