They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Walk of Shame today included voting.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
