You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
