so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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