that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
