I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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