Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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