Can Purell be used as lube?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
