Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
