i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize
