It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
