....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
