watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
