Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize