Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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