I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
