why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
