You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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