The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
