does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
