my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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