So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The best revenge is premature balding
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She even gives head with a lisp.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
