Will you blow on my dice?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
