I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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