We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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