so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
