In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
