if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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