Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
