i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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