it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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