the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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