Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
