he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
