no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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