My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
